My Vision for D-Day

I thought it would be fun for me to record how I see delivery day going.  So, you know, in a few months when she's here I can be like, "HA!  What was I thinking??"

It will be a dark and stormy night.  Because most nights are dark, and throwing the stormy in there just adds drama.  No, wait, it will be the middle of the day.  I will be on the couch balancing some sort of healthy snack (Oreos) on my massive belly and watching some educational television (Home Improvement) when my Braxton Hicks turn into something more painful.  I'll contemplate whether or not I just had a real contraction, and wait until they're pretty darn painful and at regular intervals before I give Jordan a call.  Jordan will, of course, be at work.  He'll ask if he needs to come home, and I'll say, "Eh, I'll be all right."  I'll try to gather up the rest of the stuff we need for the hospital in between contractions, and will make it through the middle of the day until Jordan gets home.

That evening I'll take a bath because the contractions still aren't that bad and I'm not a "rush to the hospital at first sign of labor" kind of girl.  I'll go to bed early and get a few hours of fitful sleep before HOLY GUACAMOLE IT'S BABY TIME!!  Jordan will take his time, because he's "relaxed" *cough*slow*cough* while I'm yelling at him to get his shoes on and telling him that if he doesn't hurry up I'm driving myself to the hospital.  He'll ignore me.  We'll take the 4.2 million bags down to the car because I'm a first time mom and have packed enough stuff to help us survive in any situation.  I'll be yelling in the car because the camera battery isn't charged.

When I get to the hospital they'll wheel me up to L&D and determine that I am in fact in labor.  I'll be 5 cm dilated, but the labor is progressing quickly.  Two hours later I'm 9, they have to break my water.  When do they do that, anyway?  I have no idea.  Anyway, my water will have to be broken.  Jordan will be on the phone with the 7,000 people in our family (it will be about 4am) and I will again be yelling at him, because that's what I do, apparently.  I'll want an epidural but I was stupid and decided to do the labor medication free and it will be too late. 

She'll be stubborn and not want to come out.  I'll push for way too long then finally she'll come out all purple and gross and with a cone head and I'll cry and think she's beautiful and Jordan will cry and think she's an alien and they'll wipe her off and I'll nurse her for a few minutes before they take her away.  She'll weigh like, 8 pounds 4 ounces and be chubby and have dark hair and I'll wonder how she ever fit inside my body.

This is pretty much how I envision D-Day.  I'm trying to go in with no expectations, because I don't want to get anything set in my head then FREAK OUT if it has to change.  I'm mentally prepared for a c-section, I'm mentally prepared for tons of different occurrences.  But the above is what I generally think it going to happen.  Except for maybe the epidural part... I may ask for that in time :)

I am so looking forward to my baby girl's debut, and I really hope the next 8 weeks fly by.  Bring it on, Baby Girl.